Walking Without Knowing
Today has been a hard day. I don’t know why though because I haven’t done much of anything. I find myself feeling worn amidst days of having nothing to do and each day I tend to feel more tired than the day before.
Questioning my life purpose has become a daily activity and I am trying to understand the path on which Timothy and I are walking. I cannot see where we are headed and for me... that is very difficult. I have always needed a plan to precede my actions and lately there seems to be all but planning. I am walking without knowing the destination, blind to where my feet are moving.
For those of you who do not know, Timothy and I moved up to Cincinnati a few months ago after feeling a call to leave Tennessee. We loved Tennessee more than anything. It was our home. Timothy and I started our life together there, we made unforgettable memories and friends, and I began to discover what I will call my identity. We fell in love with the mountains, southern tradition, and a family that I will one day tell my children about as they hold a special place in my heart. As you can probably guess, leaving was one of the hardest things we as newly-weds have ever had to do. But we did, and one day I will see how we are better for it.
We have been in Cincinnati for four months now. In these months I have laughed and I have cried. I have felt numb and I have felt deeply. Each day brings something new. Each day I grow a little stronger.
Honestly this post is not to bring inspiration. It is not a story of victory, success, or hope. I am simply sharing my heart. I am still trying to figure it all out and writing helps me feel better. It helps me vent and not feel alone. If my words resonate with you, I am thankful for that. I am thankful that I am not alone in my journey.
Through it all I have learned that life is hard. I have learned that it is alright to not be ok. It is brave to admit when you are broken, when you are hurting. Don’t hide it. I am choosing not to. Thanks for listening friends.